After "Press in" comes "Press on"
I started therapy with the second therapist in late 2010 and we dove in. After two sessions she confirmed there was something deep inside and it would take some work to get to the core of it. I have to say, fear entered in. It almost paralyzed me. It was hard to think about facing the unknown giant that was about to be exposed. I had an inkling of what it might be, but I did not want it to be that!
With each session, more memories came to the surface. How could something like this could be hidden in my mind? How? It was about a two-month process to get all these nightmarish memories out to the forefront. There it was, now, the truth in all its ugliness and awfulness, memories as fresh as if they had just happened to me. I won’t go into detail here, but it was terrible. There were some real moments that I thought not being here would be better than living with this. I felt ashamed even though I had no fault in this as an 8 year old. I was also MAD! Were the memories better hidden away? The answer is a resounding “NO”. They were not better hidden, but I had to figure out a way to deal with them and move on.
So, what’s next? Thank God for a therapist who loves Jesus and could help me press on. Her kindness and wisdom were absolutely incredible. As I did my difficult but healing homework, we began to see slow progress. Each day I was able to press on a little more. My whole family was so supportive and kind and gentle. I am so blessed! My wife was (and is) a rock star! I could not have done this without her!
Fast forward 10 years now. The things that happened to me in my past do not define me. Yes, they happened, but God controls my future if I allow Him. I chose to press on. I chose to do the very difficult work of recovery. I had a therapist (and some meds that I needed at the time). I joined a Celebrate Recovery group in Apple Valley. Celebrate Recovery is an amazing ministry that helps people deal with all sorts of life struggles like sexual abuse, codependency issues, loss of a spouse, drugs and alcohol addictions, pornography addictions and the list goes on. I leaned in to the help that was available and spent time with those further along in the recovery journey.
God saw the flare I shot up, came to me and threw me the life line! Beautiful. Now I am here to tell you there is help and hope. Feel free to email me. Tell someone you trust. Get some help. You can overcome! It takes work for sure, but it is worth it! You too can press on! The work “press” even feels like something that will take work. It does. You can do it!